Archives for category: Rider Instruction

Revelations and breakthroughs come with a choice: you can either enter the Labyrinth and fight your monster, or you can return home to your safe, ordinary life.

When I’ve taught riding lessons, I’ve had student breakthroughs that were suddenly shut down by those who chose the latter path. They didn’t want to do the work involved (examining their life, changing old patterns, thinking through their relationships with loved ones, understanding the need for boundaries) and put up a wall composed of disbelief, concealed their inner selves to their own awareness.

As a teacher, these students were the ones who needed the most help, but couldn’t open themselves up to what was happening. Their fear held them back from fighting that monster and the joys of victory. These are the needy students at clinics, who suddenly freeze, drop the class midway through, or take the class with tears. In the end, they remain needy, clingy and with unresolved turbulent emotions that can’t be put back into the bottle.

Another type of student are those so deep in denial that they are impatient with the sobbing ones. They mutter stuff like: “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”, “stop whining and just get it done” and “what’s your problem?”

Horses, both as physical animals weighing over a 1,000 pounds with a flight response, and as an Archetype (sexuality, dark desires, the Unconscious, the animal that delivers us to the Underworld, a symbol of power) are both fearsome and heady stuff. It takes courage to be a Rider. The horse is not a steed for the weak. It’s why statues have rulers on horses, not peasants.

In Hempflings’ Dancing with Horses, all of the horses he dealt with in this book were stallions. All of them had rage issues related to human treatment. Hempfling’s message thoughout is not to face these horses with equal anger to “tame” or subliminate them but to match them with a calm energy that neither demands or gives in. This is the role of the just, compassionate ruler who, without instigating action, brings calmness to a violatable situation.

You can not be a shrinking violet when faced with the aggressive horse; nor can you be the tyrannical ruler. We must seek a balance in our nature, realizing that nature itself unbalances us. We must continually strive to be back in center. Few of us are at this point in our life so we must walk the Labyrinth, slaying – or perhaps embracing – our own personal monsters and coming to terms with ourselves as best we can. Sometimes that means monster-slaying takes up your entire week!

This weekend has given me some revelations about Z which, after 30 years, I am ready to understand (due to much monster slaying) and provide the support she needs. These revelations came about with the slow Masterson Method work, which required that I really take my time (I’m a Now kinda girl) and wait for Z’s feedback, and through the Reiki work husband did at another session.

As I’ve already posted, it became evident she was reluctant to release tension during the MM bodywork. You could tell she was hovering on the diving board, trying to make a decision whether to jump in and enjoy the water or climb back down that ladder.

It’s important that you understand that her hesitation was not due to fear. This horse fears little and she has absolutely no history of abuse. Instead, hesitation came from a deep survival need of never showing vulnerability. Her very, competitive and aggressive nature finds being soft abhorent! 

I completely understand this on a visceral level and I have to admit, that discovering this in Z came as a surprise to me. It was a huge LIGHTBULB moment! Horses have so much within them to reveal it is astoinishing! This is where the real Magic is – not in some Big Name Trainers’ overpriced vegetable stick.

During husband’s Reiki session with Z, he touched her Brachial chakra and her head suddenly came up from eating grass. This happened three times – he touched, sent energy, and head came up! He said he got a feeling of surprise from her, which is not uncommon with horses when first given energy by a human. Which goes to show how smart horses are and how dumb they consider humans!

While I was watching, I always give feedback without looking at what he is doing. At one point, I said, “yes, there she goes” and he answered at the same time, “yes, she just accepted and gave a huge release.” What did I see? I saw a horse who stopped eating green grass, whose eye glazed over and became inward thinking to the point that I likened it to a horse who just received a major dose of Ace.

Went he went to the Sacral and later Root Chakras, he said he could feel her hesitation. She had something to release, wanted to release it, but it would take husband’s patience and guidance for her to let it go. It didn’t come out as a pain sensation but just very tingly. Who knows what it was? Most times you won’t.

After all this work happened, I had a lot to process. It now makes sense why Rugby Guy’s way of riding it out with applying more pressure and demands will not work with Z. It makes sense why RH’s training of overstimulation did not work with Z.

Faced with tension she will become more tense because this alerts her very base survival core. A survival core that finds it difficult to release even in a calm, supportive, slow atmosphere with people she explicity trusts.

I know now, in a deep way, that I am doing the right thing by stopping RG’s rides and taking Z under my own tutelage. She needs time and attention that only I understand. This is very exciting and opens an entirely new chapter!

When I was on LiveJournal, one of my horse acquaintances was deeply disturbed by what I’m going to write about next. He was a beginner rider who had fallen under the charismatic spell of a Cowboy Trainer who was selling his “I learned everything I know from working the range, riding my ranch and dealing with the wild horses“ Bull to the Brits.

Aside ~ for some reason Europeans are just fascinated with our Wild West in the States. It’s one reason, some breeders have been able to sell their Quarter Horse, Paint and Appaloosa CULLS to Europeans for outrageous prices! Wow! I wish I was in that racquet! I guess in retribution, the Dressage Queens in the states get the Warmblood Culls so it’s all even-Steven.

From having lived in the West and dealt with our history for over 40 years, and known cowboys, call me not so fascinated. Husband’s grandparents settled here as farmers in the early 1900′s, just after the Land Run – there were not so fascinated by Cowboys either and would probably have told you they were borderline criminal riff-raff.

What disturbed this reader (do I have you hooked? I hope you are not disappointed when I write that it was…) that I blended several different trainers’ methods and ideas into my own interaction with horses. That was WRONG! I should always train A-B-C; I should ride in this manner (commands given), and that I had no RIGHT to change anything given to me as if it was written in the Holy Bible of Horsemanship.

Now, the reason I hesitated to even get into this is because there is a time that a rider/trainer needs to listen to their teachers. There are safety practices and just some plain common sense truisms in dealing with horses. Like: have your hand on the horses butt when passing behind so they know you are there, that are needed to be pounded into our heads.

When a Big Name Trainer is espousing their ideas to you and you are new to their method of training, it also behooves you (if you feel his/her methods make sense to you) to try it without embellishing or adding other information to his/her techniques. That is only fair.

It is also only fair, to say at one point – wow! this method is not getting me what I want. Either I am doing it wrong, or I don’t feel it works with what I want to accomplish. Only evaulating your inner thoughts without emotional attachment will provide you the right decision.

There are some people, that due to their nature and abilities, should never experiment with knowledge: they would always go the wrong direction with it. IMO this is the person who lets emotion govern their actions and are unable to separate facts from feelings and uses emotions in inappropriate ways during training.

For example, this type would say: I can never use a whip on my poor horsie; he wouldn’t love me and it would ruin our relationship. Meanwhile, their little stallion colt has reared, charged them and knocked them flat to the ground!

Probably why I am drawn more to Klaus Hempfling then to say, Carolyn Resnick. He cuts the emotional bullshit from it. While his books have some beautiful photos; his videos have beautiful movement with lovely music; and living on an island may be the optimal Romantic Gesture, I get the distinct feeling from his writing and from what I’ve read of his clinics, that no, he is not romantic in the least!

I think this seemingly opposing message is what baffles people about him. It may also lead to some being disillusioned when the pretty romantic picture comes down to tearing open your own psyche and examining your own faults under a microscope instead of blaming the horse! ROFLMAO!

Back again to experimentation and blending — when is it appropriate? when should you try it? How do you do it? Why don’t I get confused when I do it?

~~ and for me, as a personal quest… why do I do it?

I’m a person who sees the big picture. It’s one of my few talents: taking large amounts of information and seeing patterns that I can arrange into something new. This worked in my favor when I was a news reporter. And it works in my favor as a horse trainer.

I’m also a person who has no illusions about myself or my faults. I don’t sweeten up my personality with little bits of self-delusion. Nope. I know exactly why I don’t speak to my mother. I know exactly my faults as a parent and strive to minimize or work around them. And I am very lucky that I have a husband that is willing to live with all masks torn away when the lights are off.

I also know when to admit that I am wrong. I may be slow and stubborn to do so, but have learned over the years to be quicker to admit fault, especially when I am working my horses. For example, when Z got hurt, we worked it unknowingly and she started crowhopping and really misbehaving. It took me about 5 minutes before I called a halt to the riding session and we thoroughly examined her, discovering how truly sore she was.

Don’t be surprised. I have seen people ride horses that were severly injured and blame the horse for it’s lack. Being honest, admitting wrong, trusting the horse, and seeing the big picture are all traits you need (or need to develop) before experimenting.

I’ve given Z the week off due to her injury but will be starting her back this week to her life under saddle. It’s one reason I’ve been so quiet on the blog – the other being we were in the middle of the kids bathroom remodel (just laid a new tile floor and put in a new sink counter – still to finish the closet and walls).

I’ve also been enjoying the company of hubby who has been given an extra two days (in addition to the weekend) to be here in town by working from his laptop. Tuesday evening he leaves for Dallas to meet up with one of his bosses, returns home Friday, and will have a WHOLE WEEK! to be home for Thanksgiving, as they have given him permission to work remotely M-W on the laptop since Thursday and Friday are holidays. I am spoiled!

In preparation for Z getting back I’ve been reading and pondering more of Mark Russell’s Riding in Lightness book. I’ve been wanting to post some thoughts about my working with my horses, but have hesitated because while I understand what I’m thinking, it might come out in a confused jumble to you.

In the horse world, we all want to tell another what to do. It’s our natural “training” inclination, and I have to write, that in all honesty, I have no interest in telling you what to do! That may come across as disingenous since I have videos and explanations on the blog, but let me explain: those posts, photos and videos are for you to use, IF YOU WANT TOO, but in no ways criticizes others about what they are doing wrong or should be doing.

I don’t post photos of others riding and then make cruel remarks about their skills; I don’t link to video and say: this person sucks! I leave that to all the other experts on the Internet, most of which are so dumb (notice I don’t say who! LOL!) that they wouldn’t know a relationship with a horse if that said horse came and bit them on the ass.

I do not go to other blogs and post: “you need to sit up, leg back, blah blah blah” to anyone. I did that when I taught lessons and some students saw my wisdom and other students stabbed me in the back with a deep shank that left emotional and spiritual wounds for years due to their betrayal.

There is two ways my personality behaves when faced with opposition: I either annihilate that obstacle and completely overcome that roadblock, or I walk away. After what happened to me at the end of my lesson business, I decided to walk away from directly helping people ever again. I was manipulated and played – I could exact revenge (and trust me I had it in my power to do so), or wash my hands of it. I decided that for my own mental health washing hands of other people’s power trips was better.

About two summers ago, Molly told me I wouldn’t be able to keep to that. That I had a deep need to help people. Yes, I do have a need to teach and help others. I am not sure why but I have had that for most of my life. However, I also have a strong sense of survival and self-preservation and never again will I let outsiders get that close to me.

I simply have no interest in directly helping people ever again.

The videos, blog posts, and photos are here to help those who are interested; those who don’t find it helpful will wander away. In that way, the Internet has been a great teaching tool that allows me to preach and for those who hear something that helps, for them to walk away with that help with little inconvenience to me. Especially, now that I’ve turned off comments and voting on the Youtube videos! ROFLMAO!

So what has that all have to do with what I started with in this post? It’s about the purpose of the blog, my thought processes in why I post here, and how I intereact with my readers… You’ll see why I preface this information when I put up the next post….

I have been mulling this over for almost eight months and still don’t have an answer. I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no answer or advice and that I will have to continue dealing with it as best as I can.

I do not know why people feel a need to shape or change me. Okay, I could understand that if I was in my twenties, still new to horses, with a lot to learn, but I still seem to elicit the reaction from some people that if they just push me hard enough, beat my self-esteem up, and pooh-pooh my ideas, thoughts or actions that they can convince me that Their Way is the Supreme Answer to All My Problems.

This is the way some trainers and instructors work. They gently undermine your confidence. It’s not obvious. It’s a pick, pick, pick with a bit of mother-nurturing, just-going-to-help-you and I’m-here-to-guide-you antics that are only self-serving and not at all the help it is being presented as. If you protest, you get a pitying look and a sad shake of the head, because it’s your own resistance to the truth which is causing you to question their advice (or so they want you to believe).

Let me explain about how this works because it really is like falling into quicksand or getting caught on one of those old-fashioned sticky fly trap tapes: difficult to extricate yourself from if not impossible – with struggling making it worse!

None of these tactics are done blatantly (well maybe by some of the less subtle trainers with very young people because shouting and lying seems to work with naive students). If they were obvious that would be enough for you to go “hm this is really stupid and I think I’ll leave. She’s crazy!”

No, it starts out with  just a nudge something along the lines of: 

“well, if you really want the best for your horse … (and of course we all do don’t we!?) then follow my advice….”

“you do want to be the very best rider you can be right?”

“if you follow my guidance, you will achieve your riding/horse dream.”

Once the relationship gets established, the heat then is ratcheted up a notch. If you are boarding or taking lessons, it might become a Sopranos’ number of “do this, or you’ll never see your horse again” or maybe “I’ll drop you as a student and where else would you get this great deal?”

Emotional blackmail is highly effective and these types, just like the con-artists who commit bigamy just to marry the next woman for her money on the FBI’s most wanted list, have it down to a well-honed art.

It can be so hard to deal with, especially for me because my personality structure is very accepting of all walks of life – which helped me greatly when I was a newspaper reporter. I don’t judge people, I’m open and a pretty good listener. I want to give people a chance and I bend over backwards to excuse their behavior due to life circumstances (in one case, it was her father who had sexually abused her as a child which had really done a number on her mind).

On the down side to some folks who are strongminded boors, this can come across as weak and they may think I can be thus easily be shaped by them.

They might want to have a psychic contact my dad beyond the grave and find out if I was that easy for him to persuade. Well, if you don’t have that ability, let me assure you that I am not.

You reach a point in your life, age-wise, that you have a lot to look back on- the same amount to look forward too, and the present seems a weird way-station of a train leaving with a train arriving.

In taking lessons with Molly, I was a looking back to when I taught lessons, thinking hm would I teach it that way? Or that is a good way to get this information across? and then as a student, I was pondering how the information I was getting was working or not – and what my role in the learning process was.

As a member of the Waterhole Rituals Inner Circle training group, it was brought home again how much mistranslation happens. The Internet, phone and video can only tell so much. Yet, even in person we are handicapped by what we understand is our own feel – and how good the instructor can provide similes, imagery, metaphors and allegories so we can go, “oh so that is what you mean!”

Writing the articles for Common Sense Rider, and worrying over people mistranslating what I am trying to convey in those articles, again had me thinking of what I am writing or saying may not be what you are reading or hearing.

As the mother of a son who is ADHD, with learning disabilities, who homeschooled him two separate years – I intimately know the uniqueness of how each person draws information from their world. For example, for him the drawing of a lawnmower was a motorized swing.

All this information, in the horse world is translated by the magical sense called FEEL. What is it? How can we translate it from instructor to student – from student to instructor? how can I tell you what to feel, and how much gets lost in that translation?

It’s feel that allows the trainer to apply a technique to one horse in the proper amount, while another person may apply too much force, ask too fast, or not recognize why the horse resisted.

Using Centered Riding techniques developed by Sally Swift, is successful for many because it uses imagery to translate the feel. However, I have found students who found these images distracting or hard to comprehend.

Technical riding lessons are fine but the  more advanced a student you become the more feel is refined to the splitting of hairs. It becomes harder for the instructor to give you worthwhile data – and the horse becomes the true teacher for those that will listen.

The ability to feel happens only when we are honest with ourselves. It’s why some of my students did not progress no matter how hard we both tried. Without removing the personal and just receiving the data without emotional attachment you cannot evaluate the feel as accurate.

You must feel FREE TO EXPERIMENT – FREE TO FLY!!

Because feel is unique to each – it should not have a judgement of right or wrong but rather “this is now – this is happening – now I have changed the feel – now the horse has changed – and I change.”