Memories in photos

Yes, I did go Black Friday shopping… and saved abut $200. My BF shopping doesn’t include doorbusters or sleeping outside a store. I do check the ads, mark off things I would buy anyway, and if the sale lasts till 1 p.m. Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) I go by only for those items, pay in cash, keep the receipts, and leave to the next store.

We were wrapped up in 2 hours and so visted a few extra stores. Some of my purchases were a robe, slippers and gloves for Daughter, a hat for Son, misc. Christmas gifts for both and also some photo boxes and photo albums. Sorting photos is part of my Master Plan to get my home office cleaned up.

Among those albums was one specifically for Dear One. I got her photos put in and though I choked up a few times, managed not to bawl. There will never be another horse like her.

A saddle for LadyZ

LadyZ will eventually be given the Harry Dabbs True Brit (which has the same tree as their Jaguar) dressage saddle I had bought for Beautiful Boy. They have a lot of similarities in their back and build. I think with a bit of adjustment from the Master Saddler, it will work out fine for her. However, I would like another saddle for trail riding and/or the rougher work of getting her going under saddle.

I am not a fan of western saddles. I don’t like how heavy they are, I don’t like the stiff fenders which encourage people to post from their toes, and I don’t like their construction – which seems to be more for the comfort of the person then that of the horse. It’s not surprising to me, considering I live in the Southwest, to see how many of these western ridden horses have low, sunken backs and endure chronic back pain. Just not surprising (though for fairness I have seen some pretty sore hunter-jumpers too…).

The lady I worked for in college favored the Monte Foreman Balanced Ride (which she owned several and had apparently ridden under Foreman back in the day). It’s been so long ago that I rode in one of those saddles I don’t remember much; I do like that lack of material under the leg and the placement of the fender (more centered on the saddle to allow better alignment).

Balanced Rides can be found used and hold their value; or I could go with a new one from Fallis. Most of the ones I’ve found used are working saddles – simple and unadorned which would not be an issue for me. The only thing is I would want to ensure is proper fit.

A friend bought a Sharon Saare saddle after trying a Tucker (unsuccessful – and that was after a custom fit and purchase which has put me off from trying a Tucker at all). However, after reading the website, and discussing what I would need to do to get a saddle fit, I don’t think I’ll be pursuing this saddle. I want a saddle that the manufacturer stands behind, whether I buy it used from another source, or buy it new from the original manufacturer. I also don’t feel I should be forced to pay upfront for a fitting.

One saddle I am considering for Z is by Stonewall Saddles. I came across Stonewall through The Barb Wire blog. Although I will probably not be doing endurance riding with Z, I am looking for a “western”-like saddle for trail riding and one that I would feel comfortable about in terms of rider position (more centered, not “cowboy” riding) and in “breaking” her in under saddle.

Here’s an interesting series of videos by Stonewall on how to measure your horse for one of their saddles. 

Part one

Part two

Part three

If you have any thoughts on a saddle, saddle type, manufacturer, just post in the reply comments – links are also helpful in that reply

to have my own life

The last six years my horses have been in self care. This came about due to the poor care that my mare was receiving and due to her special needs (Cushings/Insulin Resistant), this was liable to kill her. Her condition woke me up to the fact that many BO’s are just stupid idiots who want to get away with the very least they can do.

I fed twice a day, washing sugar off beet pulp, cleaning stalls, managing blankets and I did it when I had 7 horses (the schoolhorses mostly) and they were stabled 30 minutes away – I drove on ice, through storms, and even through a couple of tornados to do my duty to my horse companions. I lived at the barn for a week during the worst ice storm this town has known – when my own house did not have electricity for 8 days.

When I ended my stint as Barn Manager, I was totally exhausted in mind and body. I had been pushed to the brink and over by two selfish, “Christians” who lied and stabbed me in the back – hoping that I would have no other choices and that they could destroy me (they didn’t). There was NOTHING left in me so I tried to pay someone to feed my horses and that ended up being a screw up.

After I moved my horses (yet AGAIN), Big Guy fractured his pelvis and I was once again in self care mode – mucking his stall daily, buying shavings, cracking out ice, etc.. and dealing with the stress of another critically ill horse when I had, I thought, nothing left to give – but yet something was still held in reserve and I was able to give it to him with the help and support of husband. So last winter was not any easier though I was paying for feeding and supposedly full-time care (ha!).

Now I am down to three horses – all “easy” maintenance with no particular special needs. I am looking forward to taking this winter off from my responsibilities, because I am PAYING for that. I am PAYING for someone else to crack ice, put on blankets, feed my horses, etc… and though I cannot forgo all responsibilities, I am determined to be with my family this Christmas while we also have my children’s birthdays.

It is not that I don’t love my horses… but there must be a balance between my family obligations and my love or things just go bad all the way around.

Hauntings

The other morning I had a nightmare. This isn’t unusual for me however, it has stuck with me for several days.

In the dream I was at a busy stable. I had just hitched Dear One to a post and was checking her hooves. This revealed a horrible separation that was going to be fatal (Dear One died when trying to recover from founder – more then likely a heart attack). I remember stating aloud that I was going to have to choose to euthanize her.

Then I woke up.

Why this is a particular haunting nightmare for me is that the last three years of Dear One’s life, when I knew she was suffering from Cushings, I was faced with one stone wall after another in trying to care for her. I ran up against Uncaring Vets, Ignorant Barn Owners, and Sanctimonious Horse People. I was stymied at every turn – could not get blood tests, could not get prescription drugs (the drug she was on even went through a national crisis of being unavailable for a short time), could not get the type of feed I needed, and more trials that I won’t mention here.

Those that were with me during those troubled years, know what a toll it took. One thing that I could not get out of my head was that we had no place to bury her. For those who have not had a horse die on you, let me explain that burying a horse is no easy manner for those that don’t own land. The majority of the time, they are picked up and their body is rendered (cut up) and disposed of, one way or another.

I am not sure why this preyed on my mind so much. My religious beliefs don’t give the body any significance, I am an organ donor and want to be cremated. I hold no meaning or sacredness to where my father is buried. But the problem bothered and bit at me constantly.

I was lucky that when she did pass, my vet stepped in with the name of a landowner who would bury her, intact, on his place. For that alone she would always be my vet. Because when no one else gave a damn, Dr. Cowgirl did.

When I got the confirmation that Big Guy had fractured his pelvis and would need a long term stall rest, with an uncertain outcome, (what had exactly happened to Dear One for 90 days before she died), Dear One had been dead for about 14 months. The pain and grief was way too raw and then This……

The next 90 days of full stall rest were a time of waking nightmare for me. I held it together, but some days I had to shut everything down emotionally and not exist. I would not have been able to function except Hubby helped get me through with unending patience and support.

I did not know if I would eventually make the decision to euthanize him, where I would bury him, or if every time he laid down, he wouldn’t re-injure his pelvis or bleed out from the femoral artery. I tried not to worry about it and just bring positive energy to the barn where I cleaned his stall, checked his feed and water, groomed him and just spent time sitting in his stall.

Each month, my finances had to be stretched more – I had not figured I would be paying for regular vet visits, buying shavings for a 24.7 stall kept horse, and alfalfa so he could have a natural source for calcium, in addition to medications and supplements.

It’s not surprising that my BO and I got into a confrontation about what I felt was a lack of care for his special circumstances. Empty water buckets, no hay, fouled bedding… only confirmed, again, that I was his sole caregiver even though I was paying full board care. Everything would need to be doublechecked. Everything. No one was to be trusted.

I remember with astoinishing clarity the day Big Guy was let out into a small paddock from his stall confinement – the heart in my mouth wondering if he would be okay and the tears of joy as he took those first steps, his nostrils flaring and the light in his eye sparking.

Now we seem to be well on the road of recovery and rehabilitation. I am more confident then ever that Big Guy can come back to some sort of riding use and that mentally, he is doing well.

However, there is always a part of me that knows how helpless I truly am against what fate wants to dish out. There are circumstances beyond my control and there is a limit to money and what medicine can do.

And some days I remember this in my dreams.

sadness

After thinking I would be okay with retiring Big Guy to Ohio, I just ended up having a sobfest about it in my pillow that night. I feel like I’m deserting him; horrible feelings of loss such as when Dear One passed is wringing my heart.

Just hoping the vet tells me we are right on track with his healing and that there is still hope he will be sound again. If not, retiring him with a band of senior mares with a person I trust, would be the best thing as I don’t know when we will have our own place – that may be years into the future.

I am crying though just imagining him stepping onto that trailer and saying goodbye.